the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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