Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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