Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
