glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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