Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
