are you so shy because you have an std?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
