I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
