just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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