Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
