I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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