Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
