Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
