Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
