She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
