You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
