You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
