remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize