I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
