Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
