I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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