i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
