I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need to align my fucking chakras
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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