come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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