I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
