Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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