that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
