I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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