Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
