matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
