Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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