i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
