Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
