This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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