good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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