OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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