She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
