Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
