Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
