How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
