hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
