I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
