when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
