C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
