they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
