You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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