You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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