kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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