i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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