We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
