I think I won the penis lottery.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
