i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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