Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
