Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
