I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
