my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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