Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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