It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
