i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
