we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
