Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
