It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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