I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
