he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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