Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
