3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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