He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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