you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
