dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
