I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
