Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
