I think my vagina is haunted
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
