im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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