If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
